Please stop hiding. I have been looking for you since I was an adolescent. I’ve caught glimpses of you throughout the years, but glimpses aren’t enough. I need to breathe you, feel you, and see you. I once saw you in the form of a growing young man that had so much potential. You held me close when it counted. You listened to me when I wanted to be heard. You loved me back, even though at the time you didn’t come out and say it until the very end. Until the day you left me. My dearest true love, please, come back. I don’t have a whole lot of time on this earth. I want to enjoy you for as long as possible while I still can.
I’ve been working on myself. I wanted to prepare myself for you because I know you are unconditional, but I also know that you can’t thrive where there is trauma, uncertainty, pain, and unhealed wounds. These things cannot feed you and nurture you, and for this reason, I am committed to growing into an individual that is more open to receiving you in the healthiest mental state that I can possibly be in. You make it hard for me though. I feel you resisting sometimes and I wonder why. I’m doing all of this for you, so why can’t you just honor my progress? Am I missing something here?
At one point in time I decided that if you didn’t show up, I would just surrender to the idea of living life without you, or worse, living life with someone who wasn’t you. Settling.
I understand that firstly, I would need to befriend Patience in order to finally meet you, but I can’t lie, Patience annoys me sometimes. I step away from her from time to time and then sometimes, I lose her for a while. We’re working out our issues though, and I’m learning to co-exist with her more and more. She keeps telling me that you’re coming, but it’s hard to believe her because you are nowhere in sight.
The only people that keep coming into my life are Temporary, Not The One, and Immature. I’ve been trying to kick them out as soon as I figure out who they are because I want to make sure there’s plenty of room for you when you arrive. It’s hard though. Some of them tell me it’s you, and I believe them at first until they reveal themselves to me. Patience tells me I should just trust her when she tells me that you’re on the way and that I’ll be OK.
So, for now, I’m going to wait for you with Patience. But, this is my plea to you….asking you to please stop hiding. If you are wondering whether I’m ready for you now, I’m letting you know from now that I am. I may not be perfect, but I’m pushing hard to get as close to healthy and balanced as I can. I guess I don’t have anything else to say to you at this point. I’ll let you do your thing and you let me know when you’re ready to come meet me. When you do decide to come, give me a sign or something so I know it’s really you.
Waiting anxiously for you,