I am scared. You are too big and too scary at times.
I have decided to let strangers into the internal world that I have kept so hidden from everyone, until now. I’m not sure how I feel yet, but I’m sure I’ll start to open up pretty soon without this feeling of awkwardness I am now experiencing. I usually keep you bottled up inside of me, World. Because a different world lives in my mind than the one I am currently experiencing with everyone else.
As I sit on the garage floor at a friend’s house and I start to type my first blog post ever, I begin to feel naked. Like a glass of water, full of substance, yet so transparent. Claiming this garage has been therapeutic for me in ways people that haven’t struggled could never understand. I’m not sure why, but every time I tell some of my friends that I am content with the bare minimum that I’ve been given during this transitionary phase, I am always met with shock. As if sleeping on the garage floor truly is suffering. Psh, please, I’ve lived in worse.
I’m lucky to even have friends that are kind enough to give me a place to sleep in. My own family couldn’t do that for me.
Here’s the thing World, what people sometimes don’t truly get is that both art and beauty come from ugly things and places. Most of all, it comes from pain. I am an artist and I could have never done the things that I have done with my artistic expression if it weren’t for the past experiences I carry with me. I have accepted this into my life and I even embrace it a little now. I turn pain into beauty, for it is my fuel.
I hope I can reach someone. Someone that isn’t expecting this of me. Someone I don’t know…
Hey World, are you listening? I think we need to talk some more…