Well, here I am again, writing you yet another letter. I have to thank you because you’re the reason why I even started this blog. The blog has since transformed into what it is now. You’ve never read any of the letters addressed to you, but that’s ok. I don’t really need you to read my words anymore. I’ve found the healing my spirit needed.
I remember when I used to depend on your responses and your reactions for vindication or satisfaction. I remember when the thought of seeing you brought forth so much anger and resentment. I used to feel like I would never stop feeling this way about you. I was convinced that you would be the most hated person in my life for the rest of my days.
Have you started your process of healing yet? You have a lot of trauma that you’ve conveniently stuffed away in your subconscious. I really hope that someday, you realize that you are worthy of healing. I hope you break those chains placed on you by your own family. I hope to find you in better spirits someday.
Not sure if this is the same case for you but for me, this relationship was the most important experience of my 20s. It’s what jumpstarted my journey to begin with. I learned the true meaning of letting things go, although I did not begin to apply this knowledge until recently.
During the last couple of times I have seen you, I have tried to feel you out to see if the interaction between us could change. I have yet to feel that energy shift between us, which has led me to believe that you are still in a dark place. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve healed a lot of those wounds I had. I am not the same person you left when you left the house. I’m not the same young woman that couldn’t articulate what she was feeling, choosing instead to lash out in anger and frustration.
You taught me some valuable lessons while I was with you; Lessons I will never forget. One of those lessons that I keep at the forefront of my mind is the importance of having full control over your reactions to the things you cannot control. I was really bad with this one in particular. I would let my emotions completely run me down to the point where my behavior became reckless, and I did not know how to stop it. It literally took years for me to have a stronger hold on my emotions and my mind. Thank you for this. It has truly been a major key in my life that helped me unlock so much. I feel like I can be a better me and not worry about potentially hurting someone unintentionally. I feel like I can truly help people heal now.
So, I’m writing all of this to say thank you. Thank you for helping me to become the person I am meant to be. Thank you for forcing me to meet my shadow, Thank you for showing me what NOT to do. I will eternally be grateful for this experience. Although I never wanted to be married more than once, I know that if I ever do this again, I will have the necessary tools to do it again the right away. Please heal. Please love yourself. Please find peace.
Wishing to see a healed version of you someday,