This is how I end up getting myself into deep holes of depression.
I am sick and tired of feeling like I HAVE to go do something in particular in order to make my money. Why can’t I just do what I want to do instead of what I am obligated to do?
Wait a minute, but I WAS doing something I loved to do…so what’s the issue?
It stopped being fun and it became a job.
I started teaching dance when I was very young. At age 16 I met one of my mentors who impacted my life the most. Her name is Cindy Garguilo or Ms. G for short. She was the ballet teacher at the dance studio I took classes at but she ended up getting the job as the dance teacher for the new dance elective class that became available at my high school during my senior year.
This lady took me under her wing and taught me how to teach. I had the creative ideas already but I lacked in the teaching department since, you know, I was still a student.
I remember going to her studio after school and I would receive my teacher training in her classes. Whatever she happened to be teaching, I had to jump right in and receive the lessons from her as she taught her class.
Flash forward to now, it has been 17 years now of me teaching dance and I don’t want to do it anymore. I am tired and bored.
I started to realize that in order for me to earn my income, I had to physically be there every single week, no matter what. If I was sick, tired or going through anything at all, I still needed to be there. It most certainly became my 9-5 and since the beginning of this year, I have wanted out of this lifestyle but I didn’t know how to begin to get out of it. This has been my identity for so long. What do I do?
I got depressed, having to force myself into a somewhat positive state of mind every day before heading out to the studios. The universe really has a funny way of granting me my requests. I don’t always get an out in the nicest way.
I lost one of my highest paying teaching gigs and for a moment I was furious. But I had to stop and think: “Why am I upset?” Was it because I couldn’t teach there anymore or is it only because that source of income is gone?
As soon as I realized that I was only upset about the money, it caused a huge shift in me. If I only missed the money, can I just make that same money back doing something else?
Yes, yes yes!
So, what do I want to do? There are so many things that I’m good at, so I can pick something else and start developing new skills.
I’m not going to lie and say that I have had the best time ever during this process. It’s scary, it’s uncertain and I’m distancing myself from the only identity I have had for so long. I have had to focus my time on learning and building, which isn’t time spent earning money so I do panic here and there.
But I have a dream. I want to travel all over the world. And I want to be able to make money wherever I go. Without having to physically be anywhere. This is the digital age, I can most certainly do it. But I need a plan and I need to be able to pull myself out of these little moments of depression that I keep falling into.
So I have started not only practicing yoga but also training to become certified so I can teach yoga. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to completely stop teaching. It’s in my nature to want to teach and inspire others, I just don’t want to be tied down to a bunch of studios. I want to teach when I want to. I want to teach from home, online, or wherever else. I want to teach only those who want to be taught. Those who seek me. Not interested in being anyone’s babysitter for an hour.
I’ll touch more on these things I have been dealing with in future blogs but for now, just know that I am fighting hard for a dream that may seem far-fetched to some but for me, this is most definitely where I see myself.
Inspiring, writing, dancing, practicing yoga, and just traveling…through life.
I have one life and I need to live it my way. I will live it my way.
Welcome and I hope you’re ready for this journey I’m about to take you on.
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