Performance Anxiety, I hate you with everything in me. You have been the reason why I have not reached the top of my mountain. I should have reached it by now. But you always have to poke your ugly head out and ruin everything for me. Today I went to my yoga teacher training class and I was in a positive mood, ready to face the challenges of the day and ready to learn. Instead, when I was surprised with having to actually come up to the front of the room to teach a section of the class sequence, you decided to pay me a visit right then and there and you humiliated me.
Why? Why can’t you just leave me alone?
More than anything, I wish to just be a normal person. I don’t want to be anxious. I hate having to deal with you on a daily basis. You make me forget everything, you make me cry, you make me look incompetent all the time.
I am competent! I can easily be one of the best!
Why won’t you just let me be?
I would love to continue this Yoga Teacher training but you are leaving me with no choice other than to back away. I have so much going on and I can’t afford to fail right now. You keep messing with my mental health and my awareness of what you are doing is actually making me very angry. Very angry.
I would love to step up to the front of a classroom one day and just be able to remember the things I can typically remember when I am at home. I would love to get called out in class and be able to demonstrate a piece of choreography I have learned and just smash it out the park. I would love to not ever have to feel that stupid pain in my stomach, nor do I want to fall asleep involuntarily from the amount of adrenaline running through me.
Seriously, F**k you. I just want you gone. Out of my life, for good.
NOT Yours truly,